The Star Trek Experience

Disclaimer: I did not take this photograph

In my post about Keoina's visit, I alluded to an event in our past that we like to call "The Star Trek Experience." K and I tell this story in tandem and it is best told in person. But if you can't get us together in person, which is getting more and more difficult these days, you can always hear the story from me... and now, you can read it here. We always begin with "We were beamed on board the Enterprise!" But that isn't where the story begins.

Let me give you a little background first. The Star Trek Experience was (oh, how I wish this verb were present tense) an exhibit at the Las Vegas Hilton. It opened in 1998. I can still remember the first time I saw the commercial for it as I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation (TNG). Although, as I recall, the commercial ran quite a bit before '98. I hate when Wikipedia trumps my memory. Anyway, the exhibit was half museum, half interactive "ride" and half Quark's Bar. The two main "rides" were "The Klingon Encounter" and "The Borg Invasion 4-D." The exhibit closed in 2008.

Also to understand this story you must know that Keoina works in geriatrics as a CNA. She loves old people more than she loves babies. "This you must remember or nothing that follows will seem wondrous."

Those are the facts. But here is our story.

My aunt and uncle live in Phoenix, AZ. In 2005, they generously flew me and my best friend, Keoina, down for spring break. The trip happened to be over my 31st birthday, so they also took us to Vegas! The moment I knew we were going to Vegas I knew I had to see the Star Trek Experience. I had been wanting to see it for almost a decade! Keoina and I are both huge Star Trek fans, as TNG was on TV when we were in Jr. high and high school. Keoina was also a big fan of Deep Space Nine (DS9). We were totally geeked to be going after so long. 

The morning of my 31st birthday, we all had champagne brunch at the Mandalay Bay- excellent nosh! Then we headed off the strip to the Hilton. We left Jonny and Lucy in Quark's Bar where they shared some chili cheese fries and green beer (Romulan Ale). K and I spent a great deal of time going through the museum and laughing at stuff, but we were most excited about the rides! 

In the Klingon Encounter, we were led into a square room with white walls and a black floor. We were told to stand arms length apart from each other and wait for the doors to open for us to enter the "ride." Then, without warning, the lights all went out and we felt air rushing from beneath us. Keoina was so surprised (read this as "frightened") that she reached out her arms to touch my shoulders. When the lights came back on, we were standing on a transporter pad! The walls were now concave and black and the floor we had been standing on was white with circles! We had been beamed on board the Enterprise-D!!  To this day, I swear that K and I share some molecules or something because she touched me during transport.

Once we were on board, we were led into a turbo lift. This was really exciting and I was one of the last ones onto the lift, so I got to stand next to the red shirt and the turbo lift control pad. I reached out a hand to touch it and was scolded by the red shirt. I sheepishly put my hands in my pockets until we reached our destination- the bridge! We were led onto the bridge and stood around the communications and security posts. Then we listened to Riker and Geordi talk to us from another ship. While on the bridge, I touched some of the controls and was glared at by the red shirt. Then we were told to go back into the lift to get to the shuttle bay to escape the Klingons who were after us (one of us was Picard's descendent and they wanted him/her). Once on the lift, the Enterprise was attacked! The red shirt grabbed the controls of the lift but we were rocking and shuttering anyway. We began to fall, but he got the lift to level out in time. Then we were ushered onto a shuttle and after the doors were closed a voice on the loud speaker said, "Ma'am, don't touch that!" I wasn't touching anything, I swear! K scolded me anyway. Then we were chased by Klingons through a rift and we crash landed in the elevator shaft of the Las Vegas Hilton and dropped to the basement where a janitor found us and ushered us through the gift shop.

Then came the ride we really wanted- The Borg Invasion! Now, the Borg are, in my opinion, the scariest thing invented by man. You can argue with me about Dalek all you want. You are wrong. Borg are scarier. Resistance is futile! When I saw Star Trek First Contact in the theatre, I almost had a heart attack a few times and saw a good deal of the film through my fingers.

Anyway, we were led down a hallway to a large TV. There was a very large group of us considering it was off season. The cutest elderly couple stood in front of us. In my version of the story, the woman had a cane, but I'm not sure that is accurate or if I just added it in the hundredth time I told this story. The holographic doctor (not a real hologram, just on a monitor) told us that we had been chosen for some tests because we might have the gene that makes us immune to Borg implants. Then, the space station was boarded by actual Borg!! We were told to run!


Keoina took this order seriously, or she took the idea of a Borg invasion seriously, at least. She ran. She did not stop or swerve. She just ran. Ran like the wind. Or, rather, ran like a black woman being chased by a machine out of a horror film. She ran... right over the little old lady with the cane.


Now, K and I have been friends for over 20 years and during that time she has had many opportunities to apologize for my behavior. This was the first time I have had to apologize for hers! I helped the woman up from the floor and then went to scold my dear friend.


"Keoina! You totally ran over that old woman back there. Didn't you see her?"


"Um, they said to run! Didn't she hear them? I can't help it she wasn't fast enough. When someone tells you to run from the Borg, you better run or get out the way!"


I'm not exactly sure this is what she said, but it saw something along those lines. The rest of the ride was a series of crazy Borg-ness: people getting sucked into ceilings and walking stiffly down the hall after us. We were then ushered into a large theatre that was supposed to be a shuttle. We left the station only to be trapped in a tractor beam of a Borg cube and taken inside it. Luckily, Voyager comes along to save the day and we are returned to the station unharmed except for a few pokes.

This is not a Borg, but this is kind of what Keoina looked like when she was running from them. Well, this is obviously acting and the other was probably not. Nothing but intense fear could send Keoina into, over and through an old woman.

This is the cool shirt I got from the gift shop that we were then ushered through again. It was a great birthday!